Braking free out of our own misery

Dogs won't see the wall, they see a way to cross it. Why not us?

I am going to be 4th year of my PhD and have no noteworthy progress (publications) to measure my success.  But my life is never more hopeful as it is now amid of all hopeless situations as foreseen by many of my friends.  I have found my way to make up for the lost time and have a successful career by end of my PhD.

Life was not as hopeless as it used to be for last few years.  I changed my major from Physics to Environmental Engineering when I have everything to take from Physics.  Then 3 years was a struggle to find my tone during my MS in Environmental Engineering.  And now, three years into my PhD where I finally felt like to find my lost rhythm.  I have this hope of everything can be possible and I will become what I am working for.

When I look back, there is thousands well-articulated excuses to convince all that I have not done that badly, if anything – it is because of circumstances (bla bla..).  The excuses that most of us can throw so convincingly that failure seems a natural disaster like tsunami – that we have no control on it.

This attitude of being focused on problems, circumstances and other’s fault dangerously cripples our ability to think a way out of it. We are hold hostage to the world we created, the world that is so negative that one can find a negative reason in everything.  Being negative does not change anything, but makes it worse until there is celestial blast to shatter everything we believe.

Should we not try to break this wall of negativity before the blast and have a fresh air to look at everything in different prospective?  If yes, how do you wake a non-sleeping human from the world of denial where everything is conspired against him/her.

Here I need your help to tell me if you have learned anything about it so that I can get out of my denial, if any or help someone coming out of his or her negative world.  Feel free to write me email or post it in comment section.  I will appreciate a lot for your thought on it.

Here are my checklists that you can add on to find if anyone needs to change his or her approach for better future.

  1. Does anything bother someone for more than years and there is nothing s/he can do about it other than worrying about everyday?
  2. Is s/he doing the same thing over and over and waiting for the misery to go away somehow?
  3. Is s/he feeling alone in this world where none understand him/her or even they understand, cannot help him/her?
  4. Does s/he have dying desire to be someone else other than who s/he is now?
  5. Does s/he have issues that preventing him or her to have happy personal or professional life?

If s/he has even one YES to any of these questions, s/he is ready to try something new in life.  First thing that helped me to break out of my cage of negative world is to stop worrying about other’s opinion, projected consequence and start trusting more on myself.  I stop giving too much attention to anyone who judges me for anything, though I tried my best to listen to their say on my matter.

The more I look my part that is contributing to the misery, the more I found myself focused on solution.  That prevented me to have those desperate feelings to depend on others.  Truth is none can help us unless we are not that desperate to make the best out of anyone’s help – how little it may be.

Time is to stop looking at the problem and focus more on solution and self. It does not matter how much you try to solve world’s problem.  If it is by cost of your own problem, your future will be a liability to you.  So lets not live a life dictated by others and circumstance, but a life that is earned by us. I am glad to learn from your experience on how you overcome your difficulties.

Success is what count at the end irrespective of how we start. Success changes everything – it will make cynics to run away from you and friends to run toward you and life will be never same again. I will end this post with a phrase from Darren Hardy, the editor of “success magazine” – man who earned six figure at age of 18, and have earned million dollar by age of 21 and now multimillion dollar business by helping people achieving their success.

Unsuccessful people think about what they don’t want most of the time. They talk about problems, listen to news & gossip, & spend their time blaming circumstances, situations & others. Successful people think about what they want & how they will get it. They are intensely focused on their goals & the information needed to help obtain them.”

Which person are YOU?” Please share this post if you like it.

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3 responses to “Braking free out of our own misery

  1. Well you have inspired and continue to inspire me all the time! Don’t feel alone on your island of PhD-ineptitude, my island is only a few nautical miles away 😉

  2. Sanjay,
    I love this article. I have read it four or five times. It’s a powerful article. For me one of the puzzling things is how fast time goes. Days are added , weeks are gone and before you know it years pass by. In the midst of this fast scenario , i feel like it’s very easy to get caught up in little details that don’t matter and forget the big pictures. I thus need a very periodic reminder of my main goals and how i am progressing in attaining them . That’s just one small dimension of the issue. Such a big topic that so many things can be considered. But the bottom line would be what you said , believing in ourselves and relying more on ourselves and focusing on solutions. Thanks for sharing this wonderful article with me and others !

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