Do you need a New Year resolution?

YES, if you want to have some fun in life and you are not one of those who has high expectation from New Year resolution (out of desperation or boredom).

NO, if everything in your life is going well or not so well as your liking.

If all is well, you don’t need to make any resolution now. You may do it when there is a need for change.  Doing it during New Year or some other time of the year will make no difference.

If you are going through tough time, you are probably under a lot of pressure to do well.  The chance of making too many resolutions and breaking all of them is high under the trying condition.

What resolution is best for you?

If you want to have some fun without having too high expectation from your resolution, then challenge yourself making one resolution that will bring you something that you should have last year or you will feel proud to have by the end of this year.  This blog post ends here for you. And share your fun experience with us.

If you have high expectation from your resolution with everything going well in your life, then making one resolution could open more doors for you. There is a good chance that you will create a hobby out of your 10-15 min endeavor that will bring many good changes in your life.

However, if things are not going so well in life, then you are the one who need a resolution very badly.  For the same reason, you may be the one who would have toughest time to keep any resolution.  Therefore, you should take care not to be too ambitious while making any resolution.  You need very specific resolution that will not drastically or dramatically change your lifestyle.

Five steps to consider to make a new year resolution:

1. Make a resolution that takes less than 10 min to keep everyday. You will give yourself the best chance of succeeding if it does not take too much time.  It will not come in the way of other activities that are more important to do.  You don’t want to be distracted in the name of New Year resolution.

2. “When” and “how often” are more important than “what”. You should give attention to your resolution at least once per day, but not more than three times which can be distracting and overwhelming.  It should be done in the morning before getting busy with other activity or after you are done for day.  I prefer doing it early in the morning that cut down the risk of not doing it at all because of daily pressure.

3. Have a check system that will keep you on track. Set a reminder in your watch or phone or computer or just on the wall of your bedroom or place for your resolution related activity.  The reminder message should be very positive where you have your reward or picture of the reward for keeping it up. Yes, reward is important and you need a self-announced reward to motivate you.

4. Tell your friends and family about it. This is another way to set a reminder and inspire yourself as well as others to have positive impact in each other’s life.  Remember the saying – “Positive habit or emotion is contagious”.

5. Have fun doing it. You must not stress yourself to keep your resolution.  If it is stressful, then it is a wrong resolution. You should enjoy yourself doing it and wanting it more day by day.

A New Year resolution with a good check system that requires little attention daily will bring a lasting change in your life.  My New Year resolution is “to write a 10-min summary of one good experience of each day before going to bed”.

Good luck making one or keeping the one you already have.

These photos are taken near downtown, Boulder. Hope you enjoy the slide show. For details about each photo, please do visit my photography blog

Field Experiment at Oak Ridge National Laboratory, TN

I was out of blogging over last one and half months due to my long awaiting trip to Oak Ridge National Laboratory, Tennessee. This was one of the most successful trip I was part of as a leader. I had to overcome many adversaries to make things happened. I thought to share the lessons I learned from this trip – not academic lessons that may be meaningless to most.

The first few days in our trip were very challenging. We had missing equipment, broken setup, unavailability of pure water to do experiment, unfriendly bureaucracy with loads of excuses, and unfamiliar territory to overcome any problem.  The chance of getting anything done out of our ambitious plan within the tight schedule looked bleak.

I had to balance my thought between finding a way to get any work done and genuine complains against people (not my team) who were responsible for the problems.  It was hard for me to find any solution amid all the tension/pressure of problems and constant complains/frustration from other team members.

It is easy to get into complaining mode when we are victim of the fault of other. Nevertheless, we worked really hard to get things going on our first day.  At the end of the day, Joe – my advisor, sat with me after dinner.  What he said during that time changed the course of the events that were to follow. He said –

“You had given so much effort to put this trip together.  We flew hundreds of mile and spent thousands of dollars, our time and effort.  We did not come here to face the failure and go back empty handed.  The rewards of getting this work done or repercussion of failure is going to affect you more than anyone else, as this is your project and your PhD.  So make things happened and I believe you can as you always do.”

What a big difference a leader can make when he/she instills the faith on your ability as well as helps you focus on thing that matters the most! After that moment with Joe, I never looked back.  Complains, excuses and problems that came later never bothered me a bit.  I was very focused to solve anything and everything that came in the way of my team.

The belief that every problem is there to be solved was contagious to the team and everyone started making things happened.  A good team (Joe, Dave, Jim, Audrey and Brett), positive attitude and good leadership had made this trip successful that seemed impossible at first.

Though Joe gave me all the credit for good leadership and the successful trip, deep down inside I know that it was he and his faith on me has changed everything.  I learned that - there is no substitute to think positive and keep our focus on solution.

Now I am glad to realize that problems are there in our life for a reason – not to slow you down but to make you stronger, wiser and better than whom you are before.  Choice is yours how you see it.

A: (talking.. talking.. talking).. bla bla bla
B: (listening) bored…
… silence for a while..  finally!!
A: What do you think of making a plan of hiking at Glenwood (1 hr driving from our place)?
B: It will be fun.  My friend was suggesting to go for hiking in Fort Collins (similar distance from our place).  Do you like to join?
A: No man.  It is too far.
B: Okay, that’s fine.  We are going anyway.  You can join us some other time.
A: No no..  I can go with you guys.
B: (confused) Oh, but you just said “NO” to me.
A: No. I did not.
B: Yes, you did.
A: Then, I mustn’t have been listening to you! (excuse that is so honest)
B: What have you been doing then so far?
A: (getting impatient) I don’t listen to anyone while hiking because I think about stuff. That’s why I don’t like to go hiking with anyone (..after talking for hours and urging us to go for a hike with him).
B: (bothered) well, in that case, you should shut up while hiking.
A: (angry) I hate talking to you.
B: (—-) What?
…. Silence prevailed again …

This was how a promising hiking on a perfect Saturday morning came to an end. An awkward moment presented itself from nowhere because one of my friends found it unbearable to listen to another after talking for hours.

More often than not, we think we are listening.  But in reality, we might be extrapolating their view based on our experience/knowledge about the topic.  Extrapolation or prediction does not work without listening to the other person completely.  Otherwise disastrous outcomes like the google search of “why” can occur.

Google search almost always predicts entirely irrelevant results due to the extrapolation of incomplete words in search bar. Sometimes, the result of our extrapolated imagination after half-hearted listening would lead to similar result.

Everyone loves to talk about themselves and their interests, but few can listen when someone else is talking.  There are several reasons why most of us are terrible listeners.  Most notable symptoms are:

1. Lack of interest in knowing about the other’s view
2. Lack of patience in giving our attention to someone completely
3. Lack of respect for the other’s opinion
4. Making assumption about others
5. Start thinking before the other person finishes their talk (missing the rest of the talk)
6. Attitude of Mr/s Right or know it all (thinking about what advice to give before understanding the nature of talk)
7. Interrupt them because we are so desperate to have our voice/advice heard
8. Getting angry with the speaker for not accepting our offer/advice (without knowing they are not asking for it at the first place

So on….

Worst of all is that we all feel when someone is being a bad listener, but we never bother to introspect to see if we are one of them. Why do we need to talk so much about ourselves when we already know everything about us?  Why to lose peace of mind by inundating someone with our unsolicited advice? Why cannot we learn from other’s story that is offered for FREE?

So let’s prevent the GOOGLE inside us from popping up every time someone has something to say.  Everybody is unique and has their unique story that may teach us something new.

A good listening habit may be all that is needed to be successful in almost every aspect of life. One will always come out with a valuable lesson after listening to a conversation.  On the other hand, one will go with nothing more than what s/he already has by doing all the talking.  The more one listens, the more learned s/he will be. That’s why all leaders are good listeners.

I was a a very bad listener to begin with.  Things are changing after I have started paying attention to how I listen.  How about you?  Please share your experience here.

She felt the joy and opened her eyes to find him calm and quite. He went on to his work smiling at everyone and she smiled back.  But he never noticed being unaware of the happiness that his presence was bringing in her daily life.

With the day passed by, he got busy in his work and day became tougher. So rough that he was too difficult to handle by anyone. Everyone felt the heat of his presence and tried to avoid him. But she still kept looking at him and never let him go out of her sight.

Clock was ticking. She did not know how many hours passed in between. She was still standing at the same place since the morning. But he was too busy to notice and moved from one end of the field to other end by evening. Exhausted and tired, he slowly walked away and disappeared in the west horizon before stars appeared in clear sky.

She had watched him again walking away. Her face became pale. Another day had passed. Yet, she could not tell him how much she loved him and how long she had been waiting for him to come next day.

Next morning, he came again. But she could not say anything. Many days were gone. She was tired and broken. Her body was falling apart. She could not stand any more for whole day to watch him working. She knew it was her last chance to tell him about her feeling. That day, she called him many times, but he was too busy to hear her voice.

Evening came, so did the night. Everything became quite for her. Her body was lying at east side of field, eyes opened as if she was still waiting for him to come. Nobody noticed her death.

Next morning, he came again. He felt something was missing and found her body lying on ground with a letter for him. He read it all without taking a breath. He never knew that someone could love her so much. But it was too late.

He got very angry on himself for not noticing her early and on the world for keeping him busy in work. His anger was felt everywhere. Everything seemed like burning hot. It made the wind started blowing heavily. The wind carried her and left it at the center of the field.

Hours passed by when he finally calmed down to find her broken and dry body across the field. This time, he could not stop crying. He cried so much that tears soaked her body and the field. Clouds noticed his sorrow and cried with him. He left broken-hearted before evening stars appeared in the distance sky.

A miracle happened that night. New lives were born from her dry body.  The field were filled with her offsprings. The birth of next generation – the generation that will tell the tale of her epic love story. This is the story of “sunflower” and her love “sun”.

There are many unspoken love stories like this where someone dies without being noticed. Hope the story will be passed on from generation to generation and will be told thousands times. So that not a single soul fades unnoticed, not a single life ends without being loved back.

There may be someone there who loves you as much as sunflower loves the sun, but could not able to reach you, because you are too busy. Hope his/her love never dies unnoticed.

Chameleon changes its body color to camouflage from its prey.  It becomes what the surrounding is or what it gives attention to. I always wonder what if we have the same power. Would it not be cool to be like a chameleon?

After reading the article by Darren Hardy, I realize that we are born chameleon without knowing our power within. The most important choice that we exercise everyday is “our choice to give our attention”. Yet we think so less about how we exercise that choice.

We become what we give our most attention to. Everyday, we are bombarded with tons of information from TV, Internet, book, friends, and work. Phrase like “Economy is bad”, “no job”, “so much corruption”, “X has bad attitude”, and “Y is hard to work with” are norm in daily life now. There is no end in constant complains, ineptness, and difficulties. I am guilty of doing the same mistake to some extent.

We are trapped in misery when we start giving our full attention to difficulties. Our thought becomes negative and it reflects in our action. Our action starts shaping up our personality and character. Eventually, our success and happiness become illusive.

Good things are always around only if we are watching carefully. Some of my friends are getting good jobs, professors are getting tenures and awards, unknown people are making inspirational success stories everyday. Endless opportunity and good things are always presented themselves. It is almost impossible to take advantage of the opportunity if our attention is always focused on only obstacles in our path.

We become part of the solution when we give our attention to the way to solve a problem. We have a goal to achieve, a life to live and a world to contribute. That should take all our attention. And we shall overcome each difficulty in our way to success and happiness.

What are you giving attention to and what are you not? I like to know how are you doing it. Please share your suggestions.

I asked couple of my friends this question – “who do you think will be your ideal partner?”. The responses are a replicate of above youtube video. In general, most guys will prefer a beautiful, smart, intelligent, trustworthy, exciting and loving girls who can appreciate everything they have or yet to have. Common personalities of most wanted guys are handsome, smart, rich, caring, good listener, family man, and endless list. Feel free to personalize this illusive list. Now that we know what we want, let’s have some introspection.

Ideal partner is a myth. If you are looking for ideal partner, then you might be in wrong place, at least not in the Earth. Try finding all or some (not less than 4) of those above qualities in you with an independent perspective. Because, it is not what you think you are, but other’s perceptions of you are going to make them recognize the potential ideal partner in you.

If you have those qualities, then you ARE the ideal man/woman who must be living a “happily ever after life”. And this post is not for you. I am happy for you and your partner. Please share your story with us so that we can learn the secret formula from you and enrich our life with your proven method.

Like me, most of you might find that you are not the ideal one. Be aware that, we (not ideal) have overwhelming majority. People like you and me are also enjoying an ideal relationship. How is it possible to have an ideal match with a non-ideal partner?

Ideal match is established between two imperfect persons where imperfection of one compliments the perfectionist within other and vice versa. From childhood, we are told to be perfect, ideal, and be number one in anything and everything. Less attention has been given to the imperfection. The imperfections within us are even despised and deliberately hidden from others. Little we know that our imperfections possess the key to have a “happily ever after” relationship with our partner.

We do need someone who is best in what we are not. Try holding the right hand of your partner in your right hand while walking. Both of your right hands supposed to be the strongest and efficient, yet both don’t fit when it comes to holding both together.  However, when you try holding his/her left hand with your right hand, the bond becomes stronger. It is this difference between both left and right hand results in stronger bond. Relationship is strengthen exactly same way when our imperfection provides the space needed for our partner to express his/her care.

Relationship strives on care, compliments, and self-confidence. Imperfection gives us the opportunity to show that we care by giving and receiving each other’s generous service. Compliments we received for being helpful increase our self-confidence.  And two confident and caring hearts can survive all turmoil of life and live happily. For outsiders, they are perfect.  However, the couple knows inside that it is their complimentary imperfections allow their love to grow stronger.

Our partner should be the person who can best use our strength with his/her imperfection and should be the one who help us overcoming our weakness. Understanding our self is the key to find someone with whom we can live happily. Therefore, we should not be ashamed for the imperfection within us – the imperfection that unlocks the secret of ideal match or our gateway to life full of happiness.

Our ideal match should be the one who can fulfill our limitations and ascertain our strength or someone who makes us complete with all our perfections and imperfections. What is your perception of your ideal match? Please share your experience with us.

Click the image to watch the movie

On August 1st, 2010, I received an forwarded email with a powerful story from a guy “Shreehari Prasad” whom I don’t know in person (not sure how he got my email, but I am glad that he did).

I sent the same email adding my personal message to some of my friends.  I took that opportunity to acknowledge everyone whom I remember for their contribution. A few of them replied back and shared their happiness for getting my email. Their words had made that day more beautiful.

Even a small acknowledgment can break the barrier, build the trust and strengthen the relationship with our friends and family member. We should not shy away from expressing our gratitude for other’s contribution.

This is the message of the powerful true story I received from a friend and shared with others by email. The story is about the power of acknowledgment that alters a 14 year-old boy’s life for ever.  You can watch this movie here. If you could not watch it (flash player required), then you may read the story as told here :

****

I make a difference

A teacher in New York decided to honor each of her seniors in High School by telling them the difference each of them had made. She called each student to the front of the class, one at a time. First, she told each of them how they had made a difference to her, and the class.

Then she presented each of them with a blue ribbon, imprinted with gold letters, which read, “Who I Am Makes a Difference.” Afterwards, the teacher decided to do a class project, to see what kind of impact recognition would have on a Community.

She gave each student three more blue ribbons, and instructed them to go out and spread this acknowledgment ceremony. Then they were to follow up on the results, see who honored whom, and report to the class in about a week.

One of the boys in the class went to a junior executive in a nearby company, and honored him for helping him with his career planning. He gave him a blue ribbon, and put it on his shirt.

Then he gave him two extra ribbons and said, “We’re doing a class project on recognition, and we’d like for you to go out, find some one to honor, and give them a blue ribbon. Then give them this extra blue ribbon, so they can acknowledge a third person, to keep this ceremony going. Then please get back to me and tell me what happened.”

Later that day, the junior executive went in to see his boss, who had a reputation of being kind of a grouchy fellow. He told him that he deeply admired him for being a creative genius. The boss seemed very surprised. The junior executive asked him if he would accept the gift of the blue ribbon, and give him permission to put it on him.

His boss said, “Well, sure.” The junior executive took one of the blue ribbons and placed it right on his boss’s jacket, above his heart. And then he asked, offering him the last ribbon, “Would you take this extra ribbon, and pass it on by honoring somebody else. The teenager who gave me these is doing a school project, and we want to keep this ribbon ceremony going and see how it affects people.”

That night, the boss came home and sat down with his 14-year-old son. He said, “The most incredible thing happened to me today. I was in my office, and one of my employees came in and told me he admired me, and gave me a blue ribbon for being a creative genius.

Imagine! He thinks I am a creative genius! Then he put a blue ribbon on me that says, “Who I Am Makes a Difference.” He gave me an extra ribbon and asked me to find somebody else to honor.

As I was driving home tonight, I started thinking about who I would honor with this ribbon, and I thought about you. I want to honor you. My days are hectic and when I come home, I don’t pay a lot of attention to you. I yell at you for not getting good enough grades and for your messy bedroom.

Somehow, tonight, I just wanted to sit here and, well, just let you know that you do make a difference to me. Besides your mother, you are the most important person in my life. You’re a great kid, and I love you!”

The startled boy started to sob and sob, and he couldn’t stop crying. His whole body shook. He looked up at his father and said through his tears, “Dad, earlier tonight I sat in my room and wrote a letter to you and Mom, explaining why I had took my life, and I asked you to forgive me.

I was going to commit suicide tonight after you were asleep. I just didn’t think that you cared at all. The letter is upstairs. I don’t think I’ll need it after all.”

His father walked upstairs and found a heartfelt letter full of anguish and pain. The boss went back to work a changed man. He was no longer a grouch, but made sure to let all of his employees know that they made a difference.

The junior executive helped many other young people with career planning, one being the boss’ son, and never forgot to let them know that they made a difference in his life.

In addition, the young man and his classmates learned a valuable lesson:

“Who you are DOES make a difference”.

*****

If you like this story and feel that someone has made a difference in your life, please share this. Someone might be waiting there whose life is about to change receiving your gratitude. And so is yours!

Click the image to watch the movie

A spark is all it takes to start a mighty engine.  A sincere attention is all it’s needed to make a difference in someone’s life. Let’s be the spark and give our attention to someone who is in need. Who knows tomorrow is the day, we might find ourselves in the receiving end. Because giving is the first step of receiving.

This is an inspiring story published by Mary Robinson Raynold.  You can watch the story as flash movie or read it in this flash book (click on the link).  Else read it here in her words.

***

The Teddy Stallard Story

As she stood in front of her 5th grade class on the first day of school, she told the children an untruth. Like most teachers, she looked at her students and said that she loved them all the same. However, that was impossible, because there in the front row, slumped in his seat was a little boy named Teddy Stallard.

Miss Thompson had watched Teddy the year before and noticed that he didn’t play well with other children, that his clothes were messy, and that he constantly needed a bath. And, Teddy could be unpleasant. It got to the point where Miss Thompson would actually take delight in marking his papers with a broad red pen, making bold X’s and then putting a big “F” at the top of his papers.

At the school where Miss Thompson taught, she was required to review each child’s past records, and she put Teddy’s off until the last. However, when she reviewed his file, she was in for a surprise.

Teddy’s first grade teacher wrote:

“Teddy is a bright child with a ready laugh. He does his work neatly and has good manners. He is such a joy to be around.”

His second grade teacher wrote:

“Teddy is an excellent student, well-liked by his classmates, but he is troubled because his mother has a terminal illness, and life at home must be a struggle.”

His third grade teacher wrote:

“His mother’s death has been hard on him. He tries to do his best, but his father doesn’t show much interest, and his home life will soon affect him if some steps aren’t taken.”

Teddy’s fourth grade teacher wrote:

“Teddy is withdrawn and doesn’t show much interest in school. He doesn’t have many friends and he sometimes sleeps in class.”

By now, Miss Thompson realized the problem, and she was ashamed of herself. She felt even worse when her students brought her Christmas presents, wrapped in beautiful ribbons and bright paper, except for Teddy’s.

His present was clumsily wrapped in the heavy brown paper that he got from a grocery bag. Miss Thompson took pains to open it in the middle of the other presents. Some of the students started to laugh when she found a rhinestone bracelet with some of the stones missing and a bottle that was one-quarter full of perfume. But she stifled the children’s laughter when she exclaimed how pretty the bracelet was, putting it on, and dabbing some of the perfume on her wrist.

Teddy Stallard stayed after school that day just long enough to say,

“Miss Thompson, today you smell just like my Mom used to.”

After the children left she cried for at least an hour. On that very day, she quit teaching reading, writing and arithmetic. Instead, she began to teach children. Miss Thompson paid particular attention to Teddy. As she worked with him, his mind began to come alive. The more she encouraged him, the faster he responded.

By the end of the year, Teddy had become one of the smartest children in the class, and despite her lie that she would love all the children the same, Teddy became one of her “teacher’s pets.”

A year later, she found a note under her door from Teddy, telling her that she was the best teacher he’d ever had in his whole life!

Six years went by before she got another note from Teddy. He then wrote that he had finished high school third in his class, and she was still the best teacher he ever had in his whole life.

Four years after that, she got another letter, saying that while things had been tough at times, he’d stayed in school. He’d stuck with it, and would soon graduate from college with the highest of honors.

Again he assured Miss Thompson that she was still the best and favorite teacher he’d ever had. Then four more years passed, and yet another letter came. After he got his bachelor’s degree he had decided to go a little further.  She was still the best and favorite teacher he’d ever had. But now his name was a little longer… the letter was signed “Theodore F. Stallard, M.D.”

The story does not end here. There was yet another letter that spring. Teddy said he’d met this girl and was going to be married. He explained that his father had died a couple of years ago, and he was wondering if Miss Thompson might agree to sit at the wedding in the place that was usually reserved for the mother of the groom.

Of course, Miss Thompson did. And guess what? She wore that bracelet, the one with several rhinestones missing. Moreover, she made sure she was wearing the perfume that Teddy remembered his mother wearing on their last Christmas together.

They hugged each other, and Dr. Stallard whispered in Miss Thompson’s ear:

“Thank you for believing in me. Thank you so much for making me feel important and showing me that I could make a difference.”

Miss Thompson, with tears in her eyes, whispered back.

She said, “Teddy you have it all wrong. You were the one who taught me that I could make a difference. I didn’t know how to teach until I met you!”

“You can never tell what type of impact you may have on another’s life by your actions or lack of action. Please consider this fact in your venture through life, and just try to make a difference in someone else’s life today.“

***

What impact do you have on someone’s life today? Please share this story with your friends and family if you like it.

Who does the child look like?

A few days ago, I posted this photo of me with my friend’s son and asked “who he looks like”. Some of my close friends expressed their surprise for not telling them that I already have a kid.

I know the question was loaded to make them think that the kid is mine. I am also guilty of making assumption in my life that sometimes curtails my ability to understand a situation correctly. It made me take wrong route in academic life as well as personal life.

Assumption and academic life:

My first encounter with “assumption” that changed my life occurred in Hawaii – during my transition period from Physics to Environmental Engineering. Coming from science background, I don’t assume anything while solving an engineering and complex problem. I ended up not solving some because it was nearly impossible to solve those problems without simplifying those by correct assumptions.

Right assumption may simplify the problem to get a meaningful answer.  Our obsession for simplification sometimes changes the basis of the problem and we may found ourself solving a modified or entirely different problem.

Starting from scratch and going to the basic without too much assumptions should be the best way to go. Imagine Netwon would not have discovered the power of gravity or Einstein would not have realized the theory of relativity if they would have assumed what everyone had been assuming. The greatest scientific invention comes when one refuses to make blind assumptions.

Assumption should be our last resort to solve any problem. Because assumption is a biased opinion based on our previous experience that might not be perfect.

Assumption and social life:

Imagine your friend/partner/colleague acts in a manner that is very uncomfortable or socially unacceptable to you. What is our first reaction? More often than not, we start making assumption and start judging even before we listen to their complete story. Fight/misunderstanding rises and we get stuck with finding the answer about who is right and who is wrong.

There is not always an answer for every misunderstanding when the problem lies with our attitude of making assumption based on our life’s experience. Everything is okay when we are listening without making assumption. However, the moment we do, we stop listening and start judging. An example of wrong assumption and following events that change the heart of a father is told in this “$100 – a touching story“

We blame everything on being overly judgmental or not listening. Little do we know that act of making assumption at each moment of any conversation is the origin of every misunderstanding or no understanding.

Blind assumption is the worst enemy of creative thinking and our understanding in establishing any relationship in science or social life.

Everyday our vision is blurred based on the assumption we make in daily life. It distorts our judgment. We end up landing on a place that is far from ideal.  And everything begins with an assumption.

What assumption have you made today? Was it helpful or not so helpful? Please share your story with us.